I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
