dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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