Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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