Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
