I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
