Ambien. No doubt about it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
