Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
