It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
