Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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