Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
