fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
