im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
