She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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