i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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