I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
