I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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