so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
