well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
