I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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