One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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