Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize