I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
