She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
