I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
