life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
