pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
