I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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