Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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