He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
