i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
