I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
