We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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