Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
