Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
