Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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