I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
