Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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