I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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