Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
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They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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