we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
