...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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