i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
