You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is Oprah even human
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
