Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
