my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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