This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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