new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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