I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
