I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
