and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
