evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How does one acquire holy water?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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