Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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