I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
