another moral hangover. fuck.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
