dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
