you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
where are you?
Hypothermia
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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