He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
