So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
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Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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