i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
