Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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