The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
