Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
