Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My balls are so social today.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
