the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize