My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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