Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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