No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
