did you get engaged???
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
