Please, let me fuck your mom
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
