Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
