I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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